On Being Home. Briefly.

When my good friend asked me to write this blog on coming home after spending some time living abroad, I did not know what to write. It has been something I’ve wanted to write for some time, but could not find the words to describe it, partly because I didn’t come home straight away, and partly because I don’t plan to stay. I have no intention of going back to South Korea, but I know now that my adventure is certainly to be continued…inevitably, but not in my home country of South Africa.

The best way that I can think to describe coming home after spending, in my case 3 years, in another country, is that of a relationship that you loved being in, one where you absolutely loved being with the person and it only ended because circumstances or timing caused its demise…and then going back to it, with the same amount of love and acceptance, but still having this undeniable feeling that you’ve moved on, and you just can’t go back. That’s what it’s like for me. Being home these last two months has been absolutely amazing, I have enjoyed seeing all the people I love being with and who mean the most in the world to me, but I feel like I can’t go back to the life I had here.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with going back and being totally content with it, knowing exactly where you want your life to go, finding that person after you swore to your lover that you weren’t going to date when you moved home, because you get caught up in the fantasy world of living overseas, you make promises you can’t keep and hurt people along the way. There’s no one to keep track of you, you can be whoever you want to be when you are not in your home country. Which is what was so soul destroying for me about life in South Korea, I hurt people, and people hurt me. So coming home to people that love you unconditionally, is so spectacular. For me it’s about being the best person I can be, and Korea did not bring that out in me….so….I may not have found the person, but I’ve found the country that brings out the best in me, the one that is happy and free and productive and good. I am the best version of myself and I can’t wait to embark on my new adventure in New Zealand. I am going to miss all the people in South Africa, and all the people spread all over the world that I met in South Korea.

My ultimate message to everyone is that WHATEVER you decide to do, make sure it’s something that ignites your passion, makes you feel good and makes you want to be the best version of yourself that you can be. And if you can get that right, it doesn’t matter where you live or have lived, you will be able to find happiness and contentment within yourself, and no one can take that away from you.

The hardest part is still having to go through all the goodbyes. It’s literally the worst and hardest thing about choosing to live your life differently. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to give up travelling and learning and growing, and know that saying goodbye is a huge part of that. Nothing is constant, and we are solely responsible for making our lives the way we want it to be. Choosing every single day. For those that love me and want me to stay, I love you more than my actions could express, and I am sorry. but I wish for you the exact life of your designing and I will love you always from across the seas.

I am excited about the next chapter, I am looking forward to what I can create and learn and achieve….

…and who wouldn’t be excited about this kind of life….

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…And also because I can’t the Spur. Just Kidding :/

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