So before I get right into it, my posts are always very personal and there is a reason for that, some people will automatically think I’m full of shit and be really annoyed by the experiences that I share, and others may find something in it that resonates with them and even helps to connect to something similar within themselves. It is for this reason that I am open to sharing both the dark and the light in my life, in my own personal journey to living a conscious and kind life. And this post is especially special to me because it is only recently that I have truly connected to my own self worth and identity, which has really just propelled me with such great force in the direction that I have been trying so hard to go in for a long time. And I have Yoga to thank for allowing me to finally make the connection, to stop holding myself back because I thought I was not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, cool enough, interesting enough, skinny enough…there’s a million more that I know stop us from doing the things that make us happy, seeking good and healthy relationships because we don’t believe we’re worth being treated well. What a load of ‘ol shit.
When I first started practicing Yoga, I knew he was ‘The One’ and I always said that whoever I dated would have to be OK with me already being fully committed to something that takes up most of my time, energy and makes me the most happy and fulfilled.
But this is about dating a real person, and my increasing (and often times) overwhelming desire to cuddle and smooch someone…but not just anyone, someone that brings a new level of meaningfulness to my existence….all of that amazing stuff that makes us want to come into relationship with another being to begin with. I have always been OK with my own company, with the soul searching aspect of it, travelling by myself and experiencing that level of contentment within myself. The spectacular feeling of being enough just as you are in the moment, with and of yourself. And I know that this is something that I will continue to explore and seek during the course of my life, separate from my partner, but right now, I find myself in a new phase where things are aligned…but there is something missing, and that is (very cheese and cringeworthy, I know) someone to hang out with and have mind blowing conversations with…maybe even dance in the living room to some gloriously melancholy music with, to tease and laugh with.
So….because I like a little bit of a challenge in personal growth (and I am spectacularly single), I have challenged myself to, first of all, not become desperate and scary…because we all know that can happen when you feel a bit lonely. But it’s creepy and off-putting. More importantly, I am challenging myself to call into my life people that brighten my Spirit. I am in the unique position to start over in a way, to not fall into the bad behaviour patterns of my past, and be acutely aware of the way I behave on this earth and this is one opportunity that I am challenging myself not to give up!
How am I going to do this, you might be asking, if you’re still reading my potentially ridiculous relationship (less) rant?
Firstly, I am not going to be drinking any more alcohol for a wee while. This is something that I’ve visited before, but here are some of the things I notice when I drink alcohol:
- I get so incredibly bored. And I am so tired of boredom and depression.
- It makes me not want to do the things I love.
- It makes me feel guilty and that’s not feeding my Spirit. Spending 24 hours in guilt mode is awful.
- I find it hard to stop at just one or two. Just being honest, I know I’m not alone. And then enter the great guilt cycle.
- I spend too much money and I just don’t want to waste it.
There’s a myriad other reasons, but those are the basic ones. I haven’t been drinking for two weeks now, which is not an amazing amount of time, but I feel awesome. But I’ve been able to discern who I want to spend my time with, and have been doing things that enhance and brighten me up. I can do so much more, fit so much more in and wake up feeling great.
I am also going to reconvene with the powers of meditation to fully align myself with my own personal ethics and intentions so that when a lovely person enters into my existence I can recognise it and be ready for it. Sending it out into the universe and all that weird hippy stuff – don’t knock it until you’ve tried it 🙂
In short, I just want to play around with it and will keep you posted on the progress as it develops. I am, like I teach in my Yoga classes, working to gain a visceral knowledge of how this changes my physical and mental being. How it works to call in the people I want to share some cool experiences with and hopefully call in the right person to do cheesy, and dare I say, romantic things with.
In the meantime, you can find me hanging out with my Numero Uno – Yoga – in one of these gorgeous Yoga studios I’m teaching at in New Zealand.
And of course, anyone who would like to challenge it out with me, and bring a little health and awareness to your body…please join me on your own internal Spirit quest. And of course, I’d love to hear from you…comments, emails are always welcome!
Lastly, the mantra that has really helped me over the last while is ‘another person’s beauty is NOT the absence of your own.’ You are all beautiful people, capable of so much more than you can even imagine! Breathe that in.